Without A Fiddle
by knives4cash
Summary: Blake heeds horrendous advice. Hilarity ensues.


The volume of a sphere is... four thirds pi times the radius cubed. The volume of a sphere is... one third pi times the diameter... "Mrrrrgh." I groan, setting my pencil down and holding my head in my hands.

"You okay, love?" Yang asks with concern as she prods my leg with her own. I look up and across the table. Her smile is most welcoming. To my left is Ruby, and to my right is Weiss. They are all concerned. I'm lucky to be in such a well-trained team.

"My brain simply shutting down out of sheer exhaustion." I inform her with a sigh of defeat.

"We could always give you cookies!" Ruby offers. "That always wakes me up!"

"Yes, almost to the point of self-annihilation." Weiss murmurs with discontent. "I don't think so."

"Actually, I'm with Ruby." Yang declares. "In fact..." She gets up from our fold-up table and moves to her mini fridge that sits in the corner of our half of the room. "I think I've got just the thing." She removes a single, individual Blue Cow energy drink. Hmmmm.

"Yang?" Ruby asks with concern. "Are you sure she can handle it?"

"Sweet lord!" Weiss gawks. "Those things are pure sugar! She may as well drink tree sap!" Thank you, Weiss. Your support is ever so positive.

"Blake, this is a Blue Cow." I can see that. She firmly sets it on the table, in front of me. "It'll keep you going all night." I role my eyes at the double meaning.

"I don't know..." Ruby cautions. "What if she can't handle it?"

Enough. I shan't tolerate these ill-placed doubts. I grab the drink. "Thank you, Yang." I say as I pop the lid open. The sizzling and popping are intensified by my faunus hearing. The unique oder of the drink is intoxicating. Holding my breath, I down all twenty-one ounces of the concoction.

Woah.

"See?" Yang grins, placing her hands on her hips, hair swaying ever so slowly. "She's ffffff-"

I blink. Something is very wrong here.

"Yang?" I ask with concern.

"Fffffff-" She continues to elongate the consonants. Ruby and Weiss aren't moving. None of them are even blinking.

"Yang?" I ask again.

She continues to elongate the consonant.

Her hair is still in the motion of swaying to the right. I look at my watch. It's not mo-

TICK

Ah, never mind. It IS moving, just at a snail's pace. Wait, this is still bad.

I get up from my chair. "Yang!" I begin to panic. "Yang, this is all your fault!" Oh dear, they can't seem to hear me. Oooh, this is bad, this is bad, this is baaad.

Okay, okay, calm down, Blake. Cold water will bring you back to your senses. I run to the bathroom and turn on the faucet.

...The water's not coming out.

Oh wait! Here it comes! Just... at a snail's pace.

I believe that I am somehow suspended in time. Not frozen, just really, really, REALLY suspended.

Is there even a difference? I don't know! I never thought I would be IN a position like this!

Oh, I could have some fun with this.

"Ffff- Wwww-" I step out of the bathroom and see that the rest of Team RWBY is just now seeing that I've disappeared. Yang is starting to whirl around. "Wwwwwwww-hhhhhhhhh-" I could have sooo much fun with this. I'm as giddy as a school girl.

That's because I am one.

Calm down, Blake. that's just the sugar kicking i- I could pose Yang and Weiss in erotic yuri pictures to use as blackmail material.

Yep, doing that! Doing that so hard!

I run to the set of drawers that Yang and I share. Thrashing through the contents of the lowest shelf, I pull out my camera. Pushing the button to turn it on, I am instantly reminded that time is moving sixty times slower for me. I'll have to wait.

"Hhhhhhhhhhhh-aaaaaaaaaa-" Yang continues in slow-motion.

Buuut, in the mean time...

I set the camera down for a moment as I move to Yang. Sorry, love, but this is too good of an opportunity to pass up. Picking Weiss up, I quickly move her to the bed that she and Ruby share. Let's see... How to do this...

I move her left leg to lie flat on the bed. I pull her right leg up at a forty-five degree angle. I pull both of her arms straight up into the air, and I pull her eyelids down halfway.

"Aaaaaaaaattttttt'sssss-" Is Yang speeding up? Maybe I'm slowing down.

I haven't much time.

I race over to Yang and hoist her up. Over to the bed I go, and over Weiss she goes. Let's see... Both arms down, hands on Weiss's shoulders. Oh, straddling her across her midriff would be just fantastic. Push her head down... pull the golden hair back to keep the picture unobstructed... I'll just close her eyes and pucker up her lips...

Perfect! It looks like Weiss is waiting for her to reach down and lock lips!

"Sssssssssss-" Oh dear, they're speeding up again.

I dash over to my camera. It's on! Perfect! Dashing back, I start snapping pictures! Come on, capture faster! Confound it, time-space continuum.

CLICK

There! One successful, juicy, blackmailing picture! The camera loves you, Yang. But I love you more. Yes, love. That's exactly why I'm subjecting you to this.

"Sssss gooooo-" Weiss and Yang are coming back to full speed. "-ING ON?!" Yang yells as she looks at me. I hold down on the button, still getting pictures.

"What, what, WHAT are you DOING?!" Ruby cries out at the sight of her lover and sister sharing a bed. With a turn of a small wheel, I've set my camera to video recording. I'm so evil.

"AAAAAAAAGH!" Weiss shrieks, flailing her arms and socking Yang in the face, subsequently causing her to topple off the bed. "SWEET LORD!" She scrambles up to a sitting position. "Blake!" She yells at me, "WHAT'S GOING ON?!"

"TUCKER DID IT!" Yang shrieks, scrambling to her feet. "IT'S NOT MY FAULT!"

"BLAKE!" The three collectively yell at me. "WHAT HAPPENED?!"

I giggle. I can't help it, this is all just too rich. "I think the Blue Cow wore off."

Ruby dives under the bed and scrabbles out from underneath it with Crescent Rose.

She transforms the weapon into its scythe mode. Oh dear. She raises it above her head and brings it down at Ya- She wouldn't!

"AAACK!" Yang yells, diving out of the way. Ruby brings it down, cutting into our bed. She chambers a live round. Oh dear.

She fires, blasting Yang's mini fridge into pieces and subsequently sprays Blue Cow contents all over our room.

"Ruby!" Yang and Weiss yell.

"No more Blue Cow!" Ruby yells, reeling around and glaring at all of us. "No more energy drinks! No more sugar! No more-" She stammers. "No more anything that makes YOU-" She points Crescent Rose in my face. So, this is fear. "An evil, evil, EVIL fiend!"

"She's got a camera!" Weiss screams, trying to snatch it from my grasp. I barely evade her outburst.

I think it's time to leave. Forever.

"Get her!" Ruby orders, leaping into the air after me. I barely role to the side and avoid her.

"Get the camera!" Yang yells. "Dead or alive!"

Oh dear. I make it to the door and into the hall.

I'll have to run fast.

* * *

A/N:

After a break, I return.

But what of the future? I am deep in thought. I am considering a mini series, an expansion upon my Roman Republic AU. Team RWBY plays crucial roles in the second Punic War. This mini series would be a mature work. There would be slaughtering of Legions. There would be horrendous inaccuracies of history.

Perhaps, perhaps not.

Please, post your opinions and thoughts in the comments. This feedback shall be crucial.


End file.
